My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
