also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize