So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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