very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
