I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
