I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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