did you get engaged???
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
sex in a hospital.. check
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
