I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
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