I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
she pinky promised me she was 18
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
