I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
