I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
