Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Farmville is her only friend.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
