He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
