it hurts more in the daytime
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
