i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
