Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
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