Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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