Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Randomize
