My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
