I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
