idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
