Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
