I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
