How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
