So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Did I show you my penis last night?
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Boobs speak an international language.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
