My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Randomize
