mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.