I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
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i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
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He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.