Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him