It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
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