Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I wear drunk well.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
