sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
