ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
