You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
