well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
