I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
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i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
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I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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