So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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