I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
