You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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