in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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