i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
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WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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