Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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