May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
