so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Randomize
