I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
