yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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