Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
