I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
