That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
