That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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