I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
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He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
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I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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