Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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