yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
