i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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