there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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