so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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