my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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