This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
