he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
