You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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