as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
