After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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