i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
