Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
