we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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