Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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