I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
