sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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