my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
